Pick Me Up Tuesday

Snake and Sassy begins with S

When Learning Becomes Play

Ava has known her shapes and colors for a while so I decided it was time to work on the alphabet. She calls lowercase g and any case s a snake so that got me thinking. I busted out some sidewalk chalk and went to town drawing out an alphabet snake.  What started as a learning activity became the most fun we've had in a while.  

Ways to mix it up:

• Have the child trace the letters
• Draw upper and lowercase letters
• Sound them out  
• Throw a rock on a letter like Hopscotch then have them hop to the letter and  yell it out
• Have the child come up with words that start with the cooresponding letter
• Make it a shape or number day instead of alphabet 

We had so much fun! 

Grab Those Kleenex

I did not want to harp on the sadness we endured but I did want to continue with My Perspective because we learned a lot through this journey and if we can help just one family through an emergency it will all be worthwhile. 

I left off with my sister in critical care and no idea where her eighteen month old little girl, my most precious niece was.  Me and my family were huddled together in the ICU waiting room anxiously taking turns being with Kate, waiting for miraculous news from the doctors and piecing the events of this tragedy together.  Why didn't Zach rush to Kate's side? How bad were his injuries? Why didn't Zach's mom or Zeb's girlfriend come to Miami Valley or even stop at my house? The crash site is a mere ten minutes from my house if that with Atrium being only fifteen minutes away.   Just as thoughts of going to the other hospital were going through my mind to try to find Ava and Zach a nurse wheeled Wilson, Zach's brother, out to our huddle.  Praise the Lord! To be quite honest I was glad he was ok but most importantly I would be able to get Zach's moms phone number.  Immediately I made the necessary phone calls and relief flooded my heart. Ava was with her grandma and was fine. Zach was going to be okay with minor injuries to his face and shoulder and maybe even be released that next day.  Zeb, the pilot Zach's other brother, would have a longer stay as he was going to need surgery on his neck but he too would be released within a few days following his surgery. It being late already (not for sure but I from what I recollect it was around ten or eleven o'clock) Zach's mom thought it was best to keep the baby in her own surroundings at her own house and I would pick her up around 7:00 a.m. so she could go back to the hospital with her boys.  The only thing I could think about was what would Kate want me to do? I knew the answer but I found myself taking a step back, agreeing with Zach's mom but none the less regretting that decision for every second till I could hold her in my arms and keep her safe.  Around 3:00 a.m. me and my sister tore ourselves away from the hospital, our mom and Kate and headed back to my house for a few hours of sleep.

I am completely unaware if I had even slept but by 6:30 a.m. all I knew was that I couldn't take it anymore and rushed to pick up Ava.  Emotions flooded my entire body when I saw her. Oh sweet baby! Stay strong, I told myself. Ava couldn't know what we were going through, what her mom was going through.  She had to remain the sweet little Ava that she was. Zach's mom said she did not have a good night's sleep waking up several times upset.  Oh how I wish I listened to my inner self.  I scooped her up, held on tight and gathered some of her things that I would need to take care of her.  There would be no tears or talk around Ava about the accident only fun silly crazy playing with her cousins and many hugs from us all.  Kate would wake up today and be fine wouldn't she? 

I will never forget for as long as I live the very first night.  After a fun day of playing with her cousins, me and her went up to bed.  We immediately started a bedtime routine where we hugged and kissed everyone before nighttime, brushed our teeth and got into pj's.  We had gotten into bed and were starting to lay down when she looked me straight into my eyes as if she knew something...that something was wrong. I held her close and told her "everything is going to be okay baby".  Trying to not only reassure her but also myself. She lifted her head off my chest and with a little sniffle she said "kayyyyy".  It was almost like there were unspoken words between us...that she DID know what was going on and she wanted her mommy.  Tears flowed out of my eyes as I held her tight again reassuring her everything is going to be okay and again with her sniffly response "kayyyy"...Was everything going to be okay? This happened several times before we both dozed off to sleep.

Things that helped me through this journey as a caregiver to a small child whose parents were injured.

-Laminating several pictures of Kate. Some with just her and others with Kate holding Ava. This helped at bedtime and throughout the day to give mommy lots of hugs and kisses. Thanks Julie.
-Sending many picture texts of Ava to Kate after she woke up to reassure her throughout the day of what Ava was doing.  Kate was always anxious about what Ava was up to so this helped a lot.
-Taking small breaks. I was responsible for Ava's welfare and safety.What a responsibility when parents are unable.Have support. You will need a moment to scream/cry or just take the pressure off so have backups available even if it's just for a half an hour. Make sure they understand how to keep them safe.(thank goodness for my nephew,his fiance and Ava's cousins)
-Keeping a routine in place. She was an angel and I think putting a daily routine in place helped her transition to my house. She knew exactly what to expect and never gave me any problems or fits.
-Staying occupied we spent many days at the park, library and our local YMCA. This helped us keep our mind off "reality" and also find a great books for my research for Kate along with books for Ava.  Unfortunately we couldn't find any to help Ava in her situation but did find the GoGoBoBo Shapes, Colors and Opposites books by Simon Basher.  It was a great reference for Ava after Kate woke up I could tell Ava look it's just like Mommy with a little boo boo on her head.

Look Whooooo's Two

We knew we wanted an owl themed party (let’s just say we are slightly obsessed with owls)and when we found $1.00 owl treat bags at target around Valentine’s Day it was undeniably perfect. Overall we would have to say it was very easy and very inexpensive. We spent under twenty dollars for everything extra that we didn’t have around the house and will be able to reuse the poms, frame,party picks(not all were used) and sack racing bags at our next party.To keep expenses at a minimum we sent out free evites to our friends and family, instead of buying a new tablecloth we used a sheet we already had from target, wrapping paper as a table runner, free owl birthday printables from the internet, a frame for the photo booth was thrifted from goodwill $3.99 and spiced up with dollar store flowers and some spray paint, party picks from Hobby Lobby that we got for 50% (generally every week they print coupons in the Sunday paper for 40% off of one regular priced item) embellished with printed flags that we made ourselves. (just print words out on cardstock, cut ends, ink the edges and wrap around the party pick using doublesided tape to adhere) and dollar store tissue paper was used to make paper poms and garland.(one pack made everything we needed)

Party games

Whoooo's in there?  Brown paper bags decorated with owls and filled with an assortment of gross, prickly squishy thingamajigs that the kids had great fun guessing. Most everything we used was found from around the house/yard.

Hunting for eggs.   Wrap a small baby pool with a brown or black plastic tablecloth , fill with water and throw in easter eggs filled with coins or a small toy that is ok to get wet.(Easter eggs have little holes and are not water tight) Ava loved the makeshift nest she ended up spending most of the party in the it.

Owl Hopping. do owls hop? lol not sure but what a perfect party game even for the adults.

Appetizers: pretzel bites and cucumber sandwiches (just put a slice of your favorite meat and a piece of cheese in between cucumber slices. yummy)

Main course: Pulled pork, baked beans, bbq chips and pasta salad

Sweet treats: chocolate covered marshmallows(we used the mint chocolate chips and just melted in the microwave and added sprinkles), various candies which were displayed in our dinner glasses wrapped with a free party printable and pinwheels from where else the dollar store, owl cereal eggs well that is what we called them for the kids (so easy to make they helped out) Last but not least owl cupcakes all you need is an iced cupcake, a pack of oreos and some m & m's.too cute.

Pick Me Up Tuesday by: Jeanne

I just had to share an amazing moment with my daughter just driving home from an errand.  Both kind of in a blah mood. Her, "Why do I have to get up so early on summer vacation?" Me, Why did I have to buy shorts that need to be dry cleaned? (oh yeah that's right because they are the only shorts that would fit my bootyliciousness. Trust me I tried on thousands.) when a tune started.which led to a glance.even better instantaneous smiles and a crank of the radio.  In that moment, for real we became the back up singers to Little Big Town.

     makin waves and catchin rays up on the roof. jumpin off the back dooon act like you dooon want tooooooo. out here in the open ummm motor-boatinnnnnnn.

Why were those passerbys staring? We were good.My heart is full. It's the little things.

Emergency Plan

Think about this everyone has a fire emergency plan, everyone has a tornado drill plan but does anyone really have an emergency plan.  Probably not, because no one wants to think that they will ever be in an accident, trauma or have a severe medical condition.  We didn’t either but life happens and unfortunately isn’t perfect.  We are talking beyond power of attorney and wills yes those are definately needed too.  Here is an example of some of the things we wish we had talked about or had in place prior to the accident.

1.  Get extended family members telephone numbers.

First and foremost the closest living relatives should be contacted immediately. Have a piece of paper with important family members phone numbers in your car, pocket, purse or wallet.  Remember phones can die or get lost in wreckage and all of your contact information is gone.  Also have your sibling's in laws numbers and give your in laws your family’s phone numbers.  You never know when they might need to be contacted.  A lot of people aren't listed anymore or just have cell phones so it's always a good idea to have all of that information ahead of time.  Remember Kate was by herself for four hours and this step could have cut that time down significantly.

                2. Designate family member’s/friends roles.

A good emergency plan will have at least three caretakers.  The first caretaker needs to be at the hospital twenty four seven if at all possible.  Kate had wonderful care but we did catch some nursing errors by having someone there.  We also were able to keep her safe as she went through many agitation stages remember nurses are taking care of more than one patient and most times are overworked.  The next caretaker will be for your child/children and or pets.  Make sure the family member/friend that is given a role knows the routine for your child so that they can make the transition seamless for example Ava was a cosleeper with Kate and a picky eater not only that she was still breastfeeding.  I knew that and immediately knew what was best to keep Ava comforted with some of her same routines at home.  Unfortunately the doctors made us make a decision to not pump Kate for milk because she needed every calorie her body was producing for her recovery and Kate never told me about an online milk sharing program.  Try to keep everything as “normal as possible”.  Make sure that the caretaker is able to spend quality time with your child/children and or pets prior to an accident not on a daily basis but on a basis that it wouldn’t be scary for the interim time period.  Don’t forget that the family member/friend that needs to take care of your children or animals has to know where a spare key is to your house.  You may not be awake to tell someone where they could find your keys let alone they could get lost in the wreckage.  The third caretaker is essential because they are there when either one of the first two caretakers need a much needed break. 

                3.  Start a donation account.

Through a local bank you can start a fund and people can donate any amount that they can.  We started one immediately through Lebanon Citizens National Bank, 2 North Broadway, Lebanon, Ohio, 45036, Bottom of Formin the name of The Bowles Family Relief Fund.  Anyone can send a check payable to the Funds name in any amount to any of the bank's locations and they will deposit it into the account.  This was so helpful because both Katie and her husband were in the accident and it paid their first few rent payments right after the accident.  Medical bills following are outrageous and you will have to weed through that mess also.  Every little bit counts.

                4.  Get a group email alert to immediate caregivers. 

This eliminates telling the story over and over and over.  You will be tested in the beginning and this will help keep your energy focused on the family member involved in the accident instead of on the phone for hours at a time.  So update those email addresses. 

A Sister's Perspective By: Jeanne

We were still celebrating the holiday festivities preparing to ring in a prosperous New Year. My husband chose to expand his career with a different company which meant a higher paying salary and better benefits. 2012 was going to be our year we moved into a new home and decided to host for the first time a New Year's Eve party because we finally had the space to invite all of our friends and family. My sister Kate moved back to Ohio with her husband Zach and her daughter Ava to start an all American life. She went from a one bedroom apartment in Sacramento to a three bedroom house with a huge yard. I was excited because she moved to the town where I live and was eager to make a better life for her family. We were all on a high note until December 28th at 7:42 p.m., my phone rang. It was my mom. She shook me to my core with these words "your sister has been in an accident, a plane accident." My jaw dropped and I didn't know what to say. I really didn't believe her.  My sister lives two seconds from me and had talked about going to the art museum. Why would she be in a plane she has a little eighteen month old baby? Not only that but her in laws were coming here to visit she would have never been in a plane especially today. I told my mom someone is playing a cruel joke on us it isn't real. Then these words shook me out of my disbelief "Jean this is REAL it has happened. I have packed my bags and am headed to the hospital with Josh (my nephew)". All of a sudden a flashback to February 2002 almost ten years ago came rushing back to me chilling me to my core. I received a similar phone call from my mom about having to get to the hospital due to an emergency with a frightfully different outcome. My father suffered a fatal heart attack and passed away before we could get to him. I was thirty years old and four months pregnant with my youngest daughter. What happened to the confident, strong, blessed person I had built myself into? I was standing in the middle of a tornado being ripped into pieces thinking about what life had dealt us again.
I knew I couldn't stay in that mode for long. I had so many questions, Where was Ava? Where is Zach?, Was Kate able to recover from her injuries? So I reached deep inside of myself and tried to figure it out. With only that phone call, none from Zach or Zach's family, (I tried calling Zach but it only went to voicemail) I was headed to the hospital my mom said Miami Valley Hospital. First I had to find the address of the hospital. I got on the Internet well they have two locations so I called the hospital and they told me that they didn't have a Kate Bowles and did not admit an airplane crash victim and I should try the other location. So I did and they also did not have any one admitted by that name. I just wanted to get in the car to get to my sister. I was beginning to think that this was just a cruel joke. I knew it was a Warren County accident so I called the Warren County troopers and they confirmed that she was transported to Miami Valley Hospital. I know what you might be thinking but I am horrible with directions and the last thing I needed was to be headed in the wrong direction so I called Miami Valley Hospital back and assured her that the trooper that was at the scene said my sister was transported to that location by Care flight. She took some time and said oh yes she is here, she is listed as unidentified. I asked does that mean she has passed away and she confirmed with a "yes". I went into panic and my family was in tears as they were crowded around me waiting to hear any news. All of a sudden she said hold please, really oh my goodness what is going on. A few seconds later a nurse came on the line and at first had to reassure me that Kate was not only there but also was ALIVE but not doing well. I assured her that that was my sister, Katherine Bowles, and that me and my family would be there as fast as we could. Finally, I knew where she was and a calmness hit me because I looked into my families faces who were intently staring at me and I knew I once again had to be the strong, confident person that I could be to drive myself to the hospital safely to be able to get to Kate and then back home to them. I drove, I cried and most certainly I prayed.
Me and my sister, Sandy made it there first. Kate was one of four people on the plane and was the most critical. Her injuries astounded us she had a broken pelvis, broken arm, broken hand, broken ribs, lacerated liver and spleen, shearing head trauma with bleeding in the brain. The accident happened around 4:00p.m. why were we notified almost four hours later? Why was my sister all alone? I was mortified that my sister had to endure those first four hours by herself. Needless to say she was placed into an induced coma. I immediately went to her bedside shocked by the tubes, shocked by the immobility, shocked by the dirt and tree limb pieces in her hair and ears and told her to come back to us that we needed her, Ava needed her. I told her it was okay if she saw dad but she couldn't stay with him she needed to come back and fight, fight for Ava. I then begged and pleaded to my father to send her back that it wasn't her time to go yet. At this point my mom is signing all the paperwork that is needed and Kate is in good hands now I focus on  Where is Ava?
We had a plan a chaotic plan. My mom would stay twenty four hours with Kate, Sandy would go back and forth to the hospital and Ava would stay with me. If you could take one thing away from our experience in this tragedy is that everyone needs an emergency plan especially if you have young children. We will outline one we wish we had in our next post.

Seconds That Change

      What I thought would be a pleasant holiday excursion turned into my worst nightmare. I have limited memories of what actually happened.  The first memory I had was breastfeeding Ava, my eighteen month old, at the airport. Happy times I felt so blessed. The next was me waking up in restraints and not knowing why I was restrained or even where I was. Further reinforcing that it only takes seconds to change. A vivid memory I had was actually trying to steal the key that unlocks the restraints so I could get out of there. But wait I didn't even know where I was or how I got there. Then the next memory I had was being in an ambulance. I didn't know at the time but I was being transferred from the primary hospital to a rehabilitation hospital. Wait what happened?  What day is this? Now my brain was finally piecing events together.  I was in an airplane accident with my husband and two brother in laws on December 28, 2011. The seat I was in if your are standing looking at the front plane I was on the left front,  the twisted seat pictured above. My days used to be filled with my wonderful toddler and now were filled with pain, confusion and therapy.
I was blessed to have a family that dropped everything to take care of me and my family.  I didn't know at the time but my mom never left my bedside.  She would even wait to take showers until another family member got there so I would never be left alone.  My sister Sandi, a RN would go through my medical status everyday and keep a watchful eye on the hospital staff and be the communicator to the family for all of my progress or setbacks.  My sister Jeanne quit her job to care for my daughter full time.
I looked forward to the days where I was told my daughter would be visiting pushing through the pain and confusion just to get a glimpse of that beautiful face. They told me I could be in rehab for up to a year but with my hard work and dedication I was able to be released in just two short weeks. The therapists said that their fastest recovering patients are those with small children.  I definitely wanted to be home with my daughter. Then reality set in when I realized the difficulty I still had in store for me.  At this point my arm and pelvis were still healing so just walking to the corner of the street and/or picking up Ava was pretty much out of the question.  I had to use a walker, wheelchair and handicapped accessible bathroom items. Oh but I wasn't going to give up and even if I wanted to my sister wouldn't let me. We did physical therapy almost everyday so I could once again hold my daughter in my arms.
I thought planes were safe but never researched the difference between commercial planes and small personal ones like the one I would be on. In 2004 there were 2,339 plane accidents and of that only 39 were commercial. In small plane crashes 85% is pilot error vs commercial which is just under 40%. I had an angel on my shoulder or actually should I say gliding the plane to where we crashed.  It was in an ER doctor's backyard right in between trees and a barn.  The first miracle was the plane didn't veer 10 feet in either direction or I wouldn't be here today. The next miracle was truly unbelievable in that the ER doctor was home that day and saw the crash and sprinted into action to save my life.  He left his young family at the door and rushed to a burning plane just to see if he could help.  The third miracle yes I don't know why I was blessed to have a third miracle but the Careflight Crew for Miami Valley Hospital are stationed at the Warren County Airport which was the area where we crashed and I was in route and at the Hospital within nine minutes of the accident.  Due to all of these miracles is why I am here today and sharing my story with others.
      After weeks in the hospital, months in therapy and even more months with fatigue, headaches and depression  I've learned how things can change from tragedy to a beautiful life. In future posts me and my sister want to talk about the tips and tricks that can help you, not just those with a brain injury or someone that has been in an accident but also just people who want to have a meaningful positive life. Every day hold every moment, every second precious.